Scientifics?

Can Miss Cassandra Lobiesk truly be likened to a penguin?
by Maya Winters

Well, having carried out a great deal of research, I hope during this article to either prove or disprove the below equation:

Cassie Lobiesk = Evil = Penguin

The 'link' between Miss Lobiesk and the penguin is quite obviously via the word 'evil' and as such there are two main aspects to consider: whether penguins are evil, and of course, whether Cassie is. First I investigated the public perception of the penguin.

The following are a number of quotes taken directly from HOLers when asked their opinions of the species upon viewing a penguin photo. Adelline Aldrige: "Penguins are fluffy and cute...They have a sort of pear shape, and look a bit fat at the bottom."

Ani Snape ('14): "Awwww,* fluffy and cute and erm eeeee!!* I.want.one."

Katie Potter ('13): "EEEEEEE.* Penguins are immensely kawaii, furry creatures who live in the snowy parts of the globe and are squishy. So cute."

Prof. Ulol Kimil: "Penguins are sweet and funny".

Buffy Potter ('10): "Penguiny is cute cuddly and has an awesome walk."

The overall image of the penguin from this most certainly does not fit the definition of an evil creature. Add on top of this the fact that one type of penguin is actually known as the 'fairy penguin.' Then consider Mumble from the movie Happy Feet--the evidence seems to point in exactly the opposite direction to the initial statement.

Second, the general perception HOLers hold of Cassandra Lobiesk was examined. For their safety however the comments are anonymous.

"Cass is scarier than penguins...Period."

"I don't know her much, but she does seems rather frightening."

"Cassie...is scary and evil"

A number of students when asked if they thought Cassie was at all evil or scary however became rather quiet and jumpy and began to make comments such as those below.

"She seems nice enough."

"I only see the not-evil part most of the time, maybe she's evil. Maybe she ain't."

I will not make any allegations about the reason for the seemingly scared students without concrete evidence. However, examining the past record of Miss Lobiesk, including her title 'Queen of Azkaban'--which she has still failed to throw off entirely, the word evil seems much more applicable to her than the penguin.

To conclude, let us revisit the initial equation:

Cassie Lobiesk = Evil = Penguin

In light of the evidence gathered during research for this article I see no way in which this statement can be considered true as the public consensus quite clearly states that Miss C. Lobiesk may indeed be evil and if not, she's still very scary! Penguins on the other hand are viewed as cute and cuddly.

However, as a last point, I remember briefly last year seeing someone ask the question 'Where did the penguins go?' in which the answer mentioned a 'secret base' and 'secret world-domination plans'...perhaps there is more to the penguin than meets the eye...

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* Due to the increased 'w's and 'E's at the end of the indicated words (must be the fact that penguins really ARE cute...), the editors have decided to delete them to keep the layout and the reader's eyes in tact.