Addie-Vice

Addie-vice Column: October Edition
Adeliene Cromwell

Dear Addie-vice,

You know when there are these unspoken disagreements between friends? That's just what happened between my friend and I. People my age often have crushes -- it's very common, in fact. I had a crush, let's call him MA. I liked MA, and for a while I thought he liked me as well because every single day he stared at me in school. In my class, there was also my friend. She used to date another guy, and they were like... the perfect couple! This summer they broke up, and I stopped having a crush on MA. One day, a mutual friend told me that my other friend and MA had been having a summer romance. It was nothing too major. I simply nodded and smiled -- they had become friends because of her previous relationship. However, something… just lit up in me. I've now noticed that my friend hasn't talked to me in a while and it's got me thinking -- does she think I'll be hurt or mad or whatever because of that?

School started again yesterday, and even though she talked to me, it wasn't as much as she used to. In the presentation day, she just said 'hi' and chatted to everyone else but me. I really don't know what to do. Tell me, Addie!

I mean, you always feel a bit 'something' even if you stop having that crush on someone. And that's how I felt. But I'm okay with that, I really am, and I don't hold it against her.

Open to Suggestions, Confused Crush

------------

Dear Confused Crush,

The main problem here is communication. You do not seem bitter or angry towards your friend, which is a great quality to have as a friend. Unfortunately, her conscience has gotten the best of her, and now she is avoiding you. If she is one of those friends that you would like to have around for a long time, then you are going to have to make the first move. Confront your friend, but be aware: she will most likely get defensive. Try not to blame her or anything; try using the “I statements.” I statements are statements such as "I feel ____ because ____ happened”, instead of “You did ____ which caused _____.” This may sound a little strange, which is why I am not giving you the exact wording in the “I statement” message. But by thinking along those lines, you will be more likely to get how you feel out without insulting your friend or causing her to get defensive.

As for the guy, it sounds like you are mostly over him. As with any major crush (or ex-boyfriend), there will always be a slight flutter of the heart when you see them, even if it is only for a second in passing, especially if it is one of your first major crushes (not that I assuming this is one for you). However, you do mention several times that you are over him, which makes me stop and wonder for a second whom you are trying to convince -- me, or yourself? If you are trying to convince me, then don’t worry, I believe you. If you're trying to convince yourself, maybe you're not completely over him yet. By suppressing how you feel, it will only be harder for you in the long run. Embrace it, accept it, and eventually you will move on. Boys (and girls, for all you readers who have crushes on girls) are a dime a dozen, especially at a younger age. But friends, especially good ones, are much harder to come by.

Dear Addie-vice,

In several weeks, my mom is going to be having a baby. I am not an only child, but I have become accustomed to being the baby of the family. Now, with the thought of a younger sibling coming, I am terrified. I am okay with giving up being the baby of the family, but I am afraid that I am going to be a horrible older sibling. How does someone know how to be a good older sibling?

Terrified, No Longer the Baby

------------

Dear No Longer the Baby,

First off, congratulations on the new sibling! Babies make the world a much more interesting place. However, they do inspire fear in everyone involved -- the parents and the siblings.
Being an older sibling is hard. With the title comes an unknown responsibility. Your parents expect you to be a good example and take care of your new brother or sister. You get caught between this loving protective side for your sibling and the side that is constantly annoyed with your younger sibling (which I am sure you have experienced with your older siblings.) The main thing is to simply accept that you will screw up along the way. Life is about focusing on being a good person, as opposed to being perfect. Being a good older sibling is just about loving unconditionally and being there for your younger brother or sister when others (especially parents) cannot be. Worrying will cause you to miss out on life, and time with your new sibling, so stop and just have fun! Good luck!

Dear Addie-vice,

I am really shy. I love HOL, but I find it hard to make friends. Because of this, I am considering leaving HOL. The classes are great and all, but I am too afraid to get involved in anything else. I have tried botting for quidditch because my friend told me to try, but I usually get nervous if someone else comes into the room. Do you have any advice on how to make HOL a little better?

Sincerely, A Lonely Friend

------------

Dear Lonely Friend,

First off, welcome to HOL! The students here are quite diverse. If you know where to look, you are sure to find some great new friends. The easiest way to meet people and make friends is to look for study partners in your class. The fastest way to find study partners (and meet people on HOL) is to join the fun on IRC. IRC usually has over a hundred people on it at almost any given time in several different rooms. These people have different tastes and interests, and most of them remain nice (as long as you have read the rules in the handbook). And quite often there is at least one person from every class on there.

If IRC is too overwhelming for you (and for some it really is at first), start in your house common room. In the Ravenclaw common room for example, the prefects held a Muffin Camp for the new first years in order to get them participating in HOL and for them to meet people. New eaglets can also get adopted, which allows an older Eagle to show younger ones around and help them spread their wings. The other houses have similar programs, so you might want to check that out. Several students also enjoy RP (role playing), which serves as an excellent way to improve your writing skills and show off your creative side.

If you want to look for someone a little bit more long term, head over to the HOL Pen-Pal Club (PPC). There you will be matched up with news friends with similar interests from all over the globe. This way you may even meet someone just as shy as you are!

Lastly, I am going to do a quick plug for quidditch. Quidditch is a great way to meet people! The people on the teams tend to be extremely nice and very helpful. They won’t make fun of you, because most of them remember what it was like to be a new person in the room as well! If it frightens you that people are in the room, there are several things you can do. The first is to ask whomever is there if you can bot alone for a little while. Some teams have multiple rooms, so you can try asking if there is one you can use alone (and maybe mention that you are preparing for tryouts, most captains will help you out there!) Often there are lulls in the room; learn when those are and bot during those times. In all honesty though, it will be hard for you to get ready for a real match if you cannot learn to bot with others in the room. And most team members are willing to bot along side you and give you pointers!

Best of luck surviving HOL!

Dear Addie-vice,

I need some advice. There is a professor in HOL who is evil (everyone says so, even the professor himself), but I never see him that way. I think he has the biggest loving heart of anyone I've ever met! I need to know what to do when I'm around him. Should I pretend he's evil, so that I fit in with everyone? Or should I glomp him and let him know I see the truly loving person he is?

With thanks, The One Who Sees Love

------------

Dear The One Who Sees Love,

Even evil people need love. Despite how evil everyone says he is, my advice is to glomp him at every chance you get. Perhaps he will change his evil ways! Reputations are important to some people, so if he is not willing to change his evil ways so easily, then perhaps you can come to a secret agreement on how to show your love for him and be able to fit in with everyone else. As for trying to fit in with everyone else, as long as you can find enough people to fit in with, who cares what everyone else thinks? Basically, it comes down to having better quality friends over quantity. Glomp away, my friend!

All questions and comments should be sent to addievice@gmail.com

Disclaimer: I do not have a degree in psychology, nor do I guarantee that my results will work for everyone! All advice is based on several psychology classes and life experiences.

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Notes The Alte Sententiam is Ravenclaw's running newspaper. Alte Sententiam means 'Higher Thoughts' and its current co-editors-in-chief are Chloe Fairchilde and Cassandra Lobiesk. Articles Unity: Making the Most of HOL Easton's Everyday Eats Scientifics Stone Into Gold Why is the Sky Blue? Reviews The Deathly Hallows Order of the Phoenix Hana Kimi Columns Cassie's Cranky Corner Addie-vice Column Showcase For Thee Golden Rule Days Sorting Hat Song Puzzles Wordsearch Info Updates Archives FAQ Staff The Roost HOL Points The points breakdown is as follows (per issue): Article Submission: 10 points for each published (not to exceed 20) Graphics Submission: 10 points for each published (not to exceed 20) Editors: Up to 30 points	Addie-Vice Addie-vice Column: October Edition Adeliene Cromwell Dear Addie-vice, You know when there are these unspoken disagreements between friends? That's just what happened between my friend and I. People my age often have crushes -- it's very common, in fact. I had a crush, let's call him MA. I liked MA, and for a while I thought he liked me as well because every single day he stared at me in school. In my class, there was also my friend. She used to date another guy, and they were like... the perfect couple! This summer they broke up, and I stopped having a crush on MA. One day, a mutual friend told me that my other friend and MA had been having a summer romance. It was nothing too major. I simply nodded and smiled -- they had become friends because of her previous relationship. However, something… just lit up in me. I've now noticed that my friend hasn't talked to me in a while and it's got me thinking -- does she think I'll be hurt or mad or whatever because of that? School started again yesterday, and even though she talked to me, it wasn't as much as she used to. In the presentation day, she just said 'hi' and chatted to everyone else but me. I really don't know what to do. Tell me, Addie! I mean, you always feel a bit 'something' even if you stop having that crush on someone. And that's how I felt. But I'm okay with that, I really am, and I don't hold it against her. Open to Suggestions, Confused Crush ------------ Dear Confused Crush, The main problem here is communication. You do not seem bitter or angry towards your friend, which is a great quality to have as a friend. Unfortunately, her conscience has gotten the best of her, and now she is avoiding you. If she is one of those friends that you would like to have around for a long time, then you are going to have to make the first move. Confront your friend, but be aware: she will most likely get defensive. Try not to blame her or anything; try using the “I statements.” I statements are statements such as "I feel ____ because ____ happened”, instead of “You did ____ which caused _____.” This may sound a little strange, which is why I am not giving you the exact wording in the “I statement” message. But by thinking along those lines, you will be more likely to get how you feel out without insulting your friend or causing her to get defensive. As for the guy, it sounds like you are mostly over him. As with any major crush (or ex-boyfriend), there will always be a slight flutter of the heart when you see them, even if it is only for a second in passing, especially if it is one of your first major crushes (not that I assuming this is one for you). However, you do mention several times that you are over him, which makes me stop and wonder for a second whom you are trying to convince -- me, or yourself? If you are trying to convince me, then don’t worry, I believe you. If you're trying to convince yourself, maybe you're not completely over him yet. By suppressing how you feel, it will only be harder for you in the long run. Embrace it, accept it, and eventually you will move on. Boys (and girls, for all you readers who have crushes on girls) are a dime a dozen, especially at a younger age. But friends, especially good ones, are much harder to come by. Dear Addie-vice, In several weeks, my mom is going to be having a baby. I am not an only child, but I have become accustomed to being the baby of the family. Now, with the thought of a younger sibling coming, I am terrified. I am okay with giving up being the baby of the family, but I am afraid that I am going to be a horrible older sibling. How does someone know how to be a good older sibling? Terrified, No Longer the Baby ------------ Dear No Longer the Baby, First off, congratulations on the new sibling! Babies make the world a much more interesting place. However, they do inspire fear in everyone involved -- the parents and the siblings. Being an older sibling is hard. With the title comes an unknown responsibility. Your parents expect you to be a good example and take care of your new brother or sister. You get caught between this loving protective side for your sibling and the side that is constantly annoyed with your younger sibling (which I am sure you have experienced with your older siblings.) The main thing is to simply accept that you will screw up along the way. Life is about focusing on being a good person, as opposed to being perfect. Being a good older sibling is just about loving unconditionally and being there for your younger brother or sister when others (especially parents) cannot be. Worrying will cause you to miss out on life, and time with your new sibling, so stop and just have fun! Good luck! Dear Addie-vice, I am really shy. I love HOL, but I find it hard to make friends. Because of this, I am considering leaving HOL. The classes are great and all, but I am too afraid to get involved in anything else. I have tried botting for quidditch because my friend told me to try, but I usually get nervous if someone else comes into the room. Do you have any advice on how to make HOL a little better? Sincerely, A Lonely Friend ------------ Dear Lonely Friend, First off, welcome to HOL! The students here are quite diverse. If you know where to look, you are sure to find some great new friends. The easiest way to meet people and make friends is to look for study partners in your class. The fastest way to find study partners (and meet people on HOL) is to join the fun on IRC. IRC usually has over a hundred people on it at almost any given time in several different rooms. These people have different tastes and interests, and most of them remain nice (as long as you have read the rules in the handbook). And quite often there is at least one person from every class on there. If IRC is too overwhelming for you (and for some it really is at first), start in your house common room. In the Ravenclaw common room for example, the prefects held a Muffin Camp for the new first years in order to get them participating in HOL and for them to meet people. New eaglets can also get adopted, which allows an older Eagle to show younger ones around and help them spread their wings. The other houses have similar programs, so you might want to check that out. Several students also enjoy RP (role playing), which serves as an excellent way to improve your writing skills and show off your creative side. If you want to look for someone a little bit more long term, head over to the HOL Pen-Pal Club (PPC). There you will be matched up with news friends with similar interests from all over the globe. This way you may even meet someone just as shy as you are! Lastly, I am going to do a quick plug for quidditch. Quidditch is a great way to meet people! The people on the teams tend to be extremely nice and very helpful. They won’t make fun of you, because most of them remember what it was like to be a new person in the room as well! If it frightens you that people are in the room, there are several things you can do. The first is to ask whomever is there if you can bot alone for a little while. Some teams have multiple rooms, so you can try asking if there is one you can use alone (and maybe mention that you are preparing for tryouts, most captains will help you out there!) Often there are lulls in the room; learn when those are and bot during those times. In all honesty though, it will be hard for you to get ready for a real match if you cannot learn to bot with others in the room. And most team members are willing to bot along side you and give you pointers! Best of luck surviving HOL! Dear Addie-vice, I need some advice. There is a professor in HOL who is evil (everyone says so, even the professor himself), but I never see him that way. I think he has the biggest loving heart of anyone I've ever met! I need to know what to do when I'm around him. Should I pretend he's evil, so that I fit in with everyone? Or should I glomp him and let him know I see the truly loving person he is? With thanks, The One Who Sees Love ------------ Dear The One Who Sees Love, Even evil people need love. Despite how evil everyone says he is, my advice is to glomp him at every chance you get. Perhaps he will change his evil ways! Reputations are important to some people, so if he is not willing to change his evil ways so easily, then perhaps you can come to a secret agreement on how to show your love for him and be able to fit in with everyone else. As for trying to fit in with everyone else, as long as you can find enough people to fit in with, who cares what everyone else thinks? Basically, it comes down to having better quality friends over quantity. Glomp away, my friend! All questions and comments should be sent to addievice@gmail.com Disclaimer: I do not have a degree in psychology, nor do I guarantee that my results will work for everyone! All advice is based on several psychology classes and life experiences.