Addie-Vice

Addie-vice Column: December Edition
Adeliene Cromwell

Dear Addie-vice,

So theres this guy I really like - let's call him Mike. He's sweet, he's funny, and everyone loves him. We both have a lot of the same friends and talk to the same people, and we have a lot in common. Now, here's my problem: one of my friends - let's call her Maddie - and I got into a really big fight. It got really confusing, and it made me very sad, because I didn't want to fight in the first place. Maddie and Mike are really good friends, and they tell each other everything, so there was no way that he wouldn't know about our fight. Now, I have this other friend - lets call her Caddie. She was the only person I could talk to at the time, because it felt like Maddie had turned everyone against me, and so I told her about what was happening with Maddie and me. Maddie and Caddie weren't really friends, and Caddie took it upon herself to go and talk to Maddie and some of her friends and see what they were saying. I had no idea that she was doing this, and the next day Maddie confronted me with it, saying that I sent her to talk to them. So then Maddie told Mike all about our fight, and what Caddie did, and now he won't come near me if she is with me. Maddie and I have made up, but Mike is still sort of avoiding me. I am jealous of Maddie and Mike's relationship, and I really like Caddie as a friend, but no one else seems to like her. I'm so confused, have any Addie-vice?

--Torn Between

------------

Dear Torn Between,

In life, most problems seem to come down to one question: boys or friends? To this question I cannot give one answer that will be right for every single problem. However, I can steer you in the right direction.

First off, let's deal with one person at a time. Communication is the key issue at hand. Maddie and you had a fight, and you aren't sure what on earth it is about. You two need to sit down and talk it over. Now, if Maddie asks for a few days to cool off, respect these wishes. People react to disagreements in different ways. By pushing her to sit down and talk before she is ready, you may cause more harm in the long run. If she is still refusing to work it out after several weeks (give or take, depending on how bad the argument really was), then it might be a good time to hang out with new people. If the friendship is worth anything to her, she will come back to you.

Next, lets discuss Mike. If Mike was friends with Maddie first, it is safe to assume he would side with her in an argument, especially if they are as close as you say. I am not saying this is necessarily a good or right thing to do, just merely commenting on how people tend to stick with what they know. Because of this, it would be wise to be careful with what you say and how you act around him. Since it does not seem to be originally his problem, in a perfect world he should stay neutral and still be talking to you. However, if he is not, the same rules apply as with Maddie. Be considerate of his needs, but try to talk to him and work through the issue. If he is still avoiding you after the fight, however, there may be other issues, so keep that in mind.

On a side note, jealousy is a normal emotion. How you deal with the emotion is what makes you the person you are. In all honesty, there may be something more going on between Mike and Maddie. However, if they say they are "just friends," odds are that they are. Some people are naturally flirtatious, which doesn't always go too well with those who are not as outgoing. Keep the facts in mind. Have you heard who one of them likes recently? Have they ever dated before? Is it more of a relationship you see between a brother and sister? Even then, it can be a relationship to be jealous of, but people relate differently. Try to create a different - and possibly better - relationship with Mike. Perhaps it will lead to more.

As for our last and final person, Caddie, dealing with this person really depends on many situations. Most people do not like having extra people digging into their business, so that may be a factor in why several of your friends do not like her as much. However, there may be something deeper there. If she has hurt one of your friends in the past, it may be a warning sign. If not, then accept that some people are just honestly socially awkward, and not everyone will like them. Even still, if you do, be their friend!

Addie

Dear Addie-vice,

The man I'm in love with is having severe issues. His friends feel that he has betrayed them, and I am constantly being made fun of because of his actions. They call him a traitor, evil, and all these horrible other names. However, I cannot stop the way I feel. I do not believe he is a bad man, just slightly confused, and only looking out for himself. Okay, he's probably more than slightly confused, but I do believe he still has a good heart. His actions did not cause anyone to get hurt, even though they possibly could have. Should I continue to support and love him, or should I just give up and accept that he is evil?

--Confused

------------

Dear Confused,

I think you're both confused and are probably a good match for each other. It seems that you have a very kind heart, because you can see that he still cares and, possibly, has good intentions. You should use your feelings and good nature to try and make him see light and open himself up more so he's not so confused. In the end, both of you may find that all you really needed was each other. As for those who mock him and call him those names, if he is a good person, they will come to terms with that.

Addie

Dear Addie-vice,

I really love performing. I love the feeling of being up in front of a crowd and just letting go of everything except for what you are focusing on. But sometimes I get so nervous that the time I spend about to go on stage is unbearable. It happens when I try out for a solo alone, or when I get ready for a big performance, and it's really hard for me to just hold my body still and keep my hands and legs from shaking. I tense up, and it makes it really hard for me when I have to perform sometimes. I've tried deep breathing and things, but nothing seems to work. What can I do to stop this anxiety about being in front of people?

--Stage Fright

------------

Dear Stage Fright,

I have found several things that have helped me when I get a bad case of nerves. Typically, most of the reactions are purely nerves and mental, but there are several things you can do to help you physically (which, in turn, can help you mentally). When nerves hit, at some point your blood sugar level will drop below normal. To prevent this, many people have recommended sucking on peppermints (or, in my case, cherry lifesavers). I am not sure if this will help you with your singing, unless you buy the tiny Cert mints, or Tic Tacs or something. These are small enough that they should not interfere with your singing.

Another activity you can try doing is mentally taking your mind off of the activity. For me, I get really nervous while playing tennis. The more I play and think about my nerves and where I mess up, the more tense I get and the worse I play. In order to get my mind off the actual tennis game, I pick the first song that comes to mind and keep singing it in my head. That way I begin to relax and slowly get back into my groove. Since your stage fright seems to be primarily around singing, this obviously won't be as effective, but an alternative might be. Perhaps you do some kind of exercise that requires memorization? For instance, color guard members, cheerleaders, or even yoga can run through their routines or moves in their head. Thus, they are focusing on something else they love, and not their nerves. It is also good to practice, practice, practice! Those who go in beyond prepared tend to be less nervous, and they won't have any "What if?" thoughts.

If the problem is severe enough that nothing anyone suggests is helping at all, it may be time to seek professional help. They can work with you to find the exact thing to get over this fear, and may have some other, more extreme, techniques (such as hypnosis). Good luck with your nerves in the future!

Addie

Dear Addie,

I have a cat named Sparky Pants. Sparky Pants is amazing, and I love him dearly, but Sparky Pants isn't like most cats. He fetches, chases after the other cats in the common room, and drinks from the toilet. Please, what advice can you give me to help Sparky Pants act more like a normal cat? The other cats pick on him, and I don't want him to get a complex, you know?

--Cat lover

------------

Dear Cat Lover,

First off, you named your cat Sparky Pants. Unfortunately, when you name anything something off, it will have a complex, no matter how the other cats treat it. However, it sounds as if your cat may not be totally cat. Are you positive there is no other magical creature mixed in?

If not, the best thing to do for your cat is to love him unconditionally. Do not try to make him something he is not if it is not harming anyone!

I would, however, recommend a name change. Something a bit more masculine might help boost his ego.

Addie

All questions and comments should be sent to addievice@gmail.com

Disclaimer: I do not have a degree in psychology, nor do I guarantee that my results will work for everyone! All advice is based on several psychology classes and life experiences.

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Poem Showcase Time Flies Christmas Winter Winter is Coming Winter Wonderland Puzzles Info Updates Past Layouts Archives FAQ Staff The Roost HOL Points The points breakdown is as follows (per issue): Article Submission: 10 points for each published (not to exceed 20) Graphics Submission: 10 points for each published (not to exceed 20) Editors: Up to 30 points	Addie-Vice Addie-vice Column: December Edition Adeliene Cromwell Dear Addie-vice, So theres this guy I really like - let's call him Mike. He's sweet, he's funny, and everyone loves him. We both have a lot of the same friends and talk to the same people, and we have a lot in common. Now, here's my problem: one of my friends - let's call her Maddie - and I got into a really big fight. It got really confusing, and it made me very sad, because I didn't want to fight in the first place. Maddie and Mike are really good friends, and they tell each other everything, so there was no way that he wouldn't know about our fight. Now, I have this other friend - lets call her Caddie. She was the only person I could talk to at the time, because it felt like Maddie had turned everyone against me, and so I told her about what was happening with Maddie and me. Maddie and Caddie weren't really friends, and Caddie took it upon herself to go and talk to Maddie and some of her friends and see what they were saying. I had no idea that she was doing this, and the next day Maddie confronted me with it, saying that I sent her to talk to them. So then Maddie told Mike all about our fight, and what Caddie did, and now he won't come near me if she is with me. Maddie and I have made up, but Mike is still sort of avoiding me. I am jealous of Maddie and Mike's relationship, and I really like Caddie as a friend, but no one else seems to like her. I'm so confused, have any Addie-vice? --Torn Between ------------ Dear Torn Between, In life, most problems seem to come down to one question: boys or friends? To this question I cannot give one answer that will be right for every single problem. However, I can steer you in the right direction. First off, let's deal with one person at a time. Communication is the key issue at hand. Maddie and you had a fight, and you aren't sure what on earth it is about. You two need to sit down and talk it over. Now, if Maddie asks for a few days to cool off, respect these wishes. People react to disagreements in different ways. By pushing her to sit down and talk before she is ready, you may cause more harm in the long run. If she is still refusing to work it out after several weeks (give or take, depending on how bad the argument really was), then it might be a good time to hang out with new people. If the friendship is worth anything to her, she will come back to you. Next, lets discuss Mike. If Mike was friends with Maddie first, it is safe to assume he would side with her in an argument, especially if they are as close as you say. I am not saying this is necessarily a good or right thing to do, just merely commenting on how people tend to stick with what they know. Because of this, it would be wise to be careful with what you say and how you act around him. Since it does not seem to be originally his problem, in a perfect world he should stay neutral and still be talking to you. However, if he is not, the same rules apply as with Maddie. Be considerate of his needs, but try to talk to him and work through the issue. If he is still avoiding you after the fight, however, there may be other issues, so keep that in mind. On a side note, jealousy is a normal emotion. How you deal with the emotion is what makes you the person you are. In all honesty, there may be something more going on between Mike and Maddie. However, if they say they are "just friends," odds are that they are. Some people are naturally flirtatious, which doesn't always go too well with those who are not as outgoing. Keep the facts in mind. Have you heard who one of them likes recently? Have they ever dated before? Is it more of a relationship you see between a brother and sister? Even then, it can be a relationship to be jealous of, but people relate differently. Try to create a different - and possibly better - relationship with Mike. Perhaps it will lead to more. As for our last and final person, Caddie, dealing with this person really depends on many situations. Most people do not like having extra people digging into their business, so that may be a factor in why several of your friends do not like her as much. However, there may be something deeper there. If she has hurt one of your friends in the past, it may be a warning sign. If not, then accept that some people are just honestly socially awkward, and not everyone will like them. Even still, if you do, be their friend! Addie Dear Addie-vice, The man I'm in love with is having severe issues. His friends feel that he has betrayed them, and I am constantly being made fun of because of his actions. They call him a traitor, evil, and all these horrible other names. However, I cannot stop the way I feel. I do not believe he is a bad man, just slightly confused, and only looking out for himself. Okay, he's probably more than slightly confused, but I do believe he still has a good heart. His actions did not cause anyone to get hurt, even though they possibly could have. Should I continue to support and love him, or should I just give up and accept that he is evil? --Confused ------------ Dear Confused, I think you're both confused and are probably a good match for each other. It seems that you have a very kind heart, because you can see that he still cares and, possibly, has good intentions. You should use your feelings and good nature to try and make him see light and open himself up more so he's not so confused. In the end, both of you may find that all you really needed was each other. As for those who mock him and call him those names, if he is a good person, they will come to terms with that. Addie Dear Addie-vice, I really love performing. I love the feeling of being up in front of a crowd and just letting go of everything except for what you are focusing on. But sometimes I get so nervous that the time I spend about to go on stage is unbearable. It happens when I try out for a solo alone, or when I get ready for a big performance, and it's really hard for me to just hold my body still and keep my hands and legs from shaking. I tense up, and it makes it really hard for me when I have to perform sometimes. I've tried deep breathing and things, but nothing seems to work. What can I do to stop this anxiety about being in front of people? --Stage Fright ------------ Dear Stage Fright, I have found several things that have helped me when I get a bad case of nerves. Typically, most of the reactions are purely nerves and mental, but there are several things you can do to help you physically (which, in turn, can help you mentally). When nerves hit, at some point your blood sugar level will drop below normal. To prevent this, many people have recommended sucking on peppermints (or, in my case, cherry lifesavers). I am not sure if this will help you with your singing, unless you buy the tiny Cert mints, or Tic Tacs or something. These are small enough that they should not interfere with your singing. Another activity you can try doing is mentally taking your mind off of the activity. For me, I get really nervous while playing tennis. The more I play and think about my nerves and where I mess up, the more tense I get and the worse I play. In order to get my mind off the actual tennis game, I pick the first song that comes to mind and keep singing it in my head. That way I begin to relax and slowly get back into my groove. Since your stage fright seems to be primarily around singing, this obviously won't be as effective, but an alternative might be. Perhaps you do some kind of exercise that requires memorization? For instance, color guard members, cheerleaders, or even yoga can run through their routines or moves in their head. Thus, they are focusing on something else they love, and not their nerves. It is also good to practice, practice, practice! Those who go in beyond prepared tend to be less nervous, and they won't have any "What if?" thoughts. If the problem is severe enough that nothing anyone suggests is helping at all, it may be time to seek professional help. They can work with you to find the exact thing to get over this fear, and may have some other, more extreme, techniques (such as hypnosis). Good luck with your nerves in the future! Addie Dear Addie, I have a cat named Sparky Pants. Sparky Pants is amazing, and I love him dearly, but Sparky Pants isn't like most cats. He fetches, chases after the other cats in the common room, and drinks from the toilet. Please, what advice can you give me to help Sparky Pants act more like a normal cat? The other cats pick on him, and I don't want him to get a complex, you know? --Cat lover ------------ Dear Cat Lover, First off, you named your cat Sparky Pants. Unfortunately, when you name anything something off, it will have a complex, no matter how the other cats treat it. However, it sounds as if your cat may not be totally cat. Are you positive there is no other magical creature mixed in? If not, the best thing to do for your cat is to love him unconditionally. Do not try to make him something he is not if it is not harming anyone! I would, however, recommend a name change. Something a bit more masculine might help boost his ego. Addie All questions and comments should be sent to addievice@gmail.com Disclaimer: I do not have a degree in psychology, nor do I guarantee that my results will work for everyone! All advice is based on several psychology classes and life experiences.